Okay.
Thats it.
I'm sick of people asking me why I dislike twilight so much.
>_>;
Twilight is the WORST book I have ever read.
It was so stupid, I can't even describe it.
Seriously, it was THAT bad.
Why was it that bad, you ask ?
Simple.
The whole story revolved around this stupid vampire named Edward Cullen and Bella swan , a so called "average teenage girl" . More like ... "Mary-sue"
The names themselves are already ridiculous.
Seriously. BELLA Swan ? What happened? Did Stephenie run out of ideas or something ?
..Moving on .
The first thing I looked for when I opened this book , was a plot.
I searched, searched, for a slightest hint of a plot. However, it was in vain. [Cause if you don't know by now, Twilight doesn't have one.]
Stephenie Meyer practically insulted EVERYTHING . From cutlery, to vehicles, to people's names, to vampires, to sparkles, to disco balls. You name it, she probably has indirectly destroyed its reputation. [Except for Tyler's van. Thats a different story .]
So apparently, Bella is some ... damsel in distress. The kind you see in those old fashioned books like "Rapunzel" , "Cinderella" , "Snow white" etc, etc.
Heck, why am I even comparing those good old time classics to this piece of crap people use as toilet paper?
I don't know.
Twilight has already fried such a large portion of my brain.
So, the main point is that : Everytime Bella gets into trouble, she needs *insert holy sounding music here* OH-SO-SPARKLY [AKA Edward.] to save her butt.
GEEZ. Stop setting feminism back a century or two . We can do whatever men can do . Maybe even better!
DIE BELLA. WHY DID EDWARD HAVE TO POKE AROUND IN YOUR BUSINESS AND SAVE YOU FROM TYLER'S VAN !?
*Clears throat*
I think the worst part is that, she insulted vampires so badly, I can't even bring myself to think about Alucard anymore. Cause everytime I see him, I'm reminded of Captain Sparkles. [Burn in hell, Captain Sparkles, burn in hell .]
God.
She made Edward sound like a human popsicle ... and some weird statue of a God . Cold , hard, "scintillating arms" [Wtf.], ..LIQUID TOPAZ EYES?
Don't even get me started on his voice.
Or whatever.
So Edward is only attracted to Bella cause she smells of strawberries [WHY STRAWBERRIES!? COULDN'T YOU LEAVE THEM ALONE!?] .
Now I can't look at a strawberry without thinking about Bella's scent.
It is that POWERFUL .
Its like :
"Hey you want some strawberry cheesecake?"
"*stares* *spazzes*"
The only thing that made me laugh in twilight was this line :
"THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER, BELLA !"
-Muffled laughter-
-Bursts out laughing-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
WHAT THE FUDGE CAKES.
XD .
GOD.
That felt good.
But I kept skipping some parts [Cause they were dragging on and on..] so I couldn't really catch on what happened later.
I literally slept halfway through the book.
It was so boring.
So VERY boring.
I even gave it to some small guy who came over. He drew on it and tore it apart. [Some pages missing. I burnt one page today. Just for the lulz .]
God.
UGH .
I'll just make a list of what Stephenie Meyer insulted.
List [Will edit when free.]:
Vampires
True Love [If it even EXISTS.]
The names that were mentioned in the book.
The Lochness monster.
Pedo Bear
Werewolves
Native Americans
Arizona
Cutlery
Disco balls
Sparkles
Sunlight
Meadows
Authors
Publishers
Paper
Trees
Forests
Skin
Murderers
Snakes
Venomous creatures
Spiders
Cactuses [ I have a pet cactus named Bob. It pwns Bella's.]
Grass [Yes, even grass.]
Strawberries
Cooking
Fathers
Italians
Italy
America
Humanity
Computers
Pepper spray
Apples
Statues
GOD [ YES EVEN GOD.]
Eyes , Make that Facial Features.
Hair
Temperature
Clumsiness
Vehicles
Body Glitter
Dogs
Police
Rapists
Paramore
Muse
Cafeterias
Blood
Twirling
Fortune Tellers
Weatherman
Biology
Catwalks
Fans
Lunch
Teachers
Females
PMS [ yes, I'm serious.]
Pregnancy [ I didn't want to include that, but it was just too hard to ignore that disturbing birth scene.]
I could go on and on, But I'm afraid I do not have so much free time as to do that.
So in future, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME THIS QUESTION EVER AGAIN .